I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
