i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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