I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
