Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
