my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
