need another drink. this is the easiest way
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
