my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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