respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize