My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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