I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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