Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
