Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
