wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
