Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
