im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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