I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
