what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
