I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
