He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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