is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
