Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
