things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
