You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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