Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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