Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
