is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's always time for handjobs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
