george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
