i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry about my life...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
