I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
