too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
