The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
