is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
