i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
