i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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