Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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