Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
