What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
