my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
