I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
