I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
