I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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