I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
