Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.

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(650): View more from California

I love my bros weed

(650): View more from California

Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though

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(925): View more from California

im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

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(773): View more from Illinois

What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

(773): View more from Illinois

We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal

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(415): View more from California

You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.

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