bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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