He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
