the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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