who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
