just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
