At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize