I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're too hungover to prance.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
