he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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