We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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