I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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