Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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