I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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