He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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