I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
