I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
