look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
