Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
