Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
