dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
