I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
