Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
