even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
