pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
