you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
