so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize