Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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