Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
