I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
