well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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