so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
