dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
