Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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