You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
