how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
