I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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