I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
