So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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