Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
