I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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