I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
